Monday, April 03, 2006

The Top 10 Signs the Umpires Are Biased

In honor of Opening Day:

The Top 10 Signs the Umpires Are Biased

10> After a huddled discussion, they overturn the home run and
rule you out because of the "outfield fly rule."

9> "Ball. Oops... I mean STRIKE! Sorry, Mr. Maddux!"

8> As you round second, the ump fires a warning shot into your

7> Despite the fielder slipping to the ground, you were ruled
tagged out by his aura.

6> Bonds never walks. Ump says the strike zone's "on steroids

5> The ball's practically dripping with Vicks VapoRub, but
it's ruled OK because the pitcher has the sniffles.

4> After your fourth two-strike foul, he calls you out to "give
somebody else a turn."

3> He seems to have an endless supply of broken bats to hand to
Roger Clemens.

2> "Yeah, you're out. And tubby there in the on deck circle -- he's
out too."

and the Number 1 Sign the Umpires Are Biased...

1> Between innings, they go into the opposing team's dugout for a
relaxing foot massage and peach spritzer.

Copyright 2006 by Chris White]

(Here are some Runners-up)

Called a balk on the catcher for faking a snap-throw to first.

Fan throws your home run ball back on the field; it's ruled in play.

How come only *your* players have to give random urine samples? While at bat.

"I think you spit on my chest protector, Skipper. Wipe it off. WIPE. IT. OFF."

"Strike one! Strike two! Strike two-and-a-half!"

The batter on deck just got called out for swinging and missing three times.

Tie goes to the other team.

You beat the throw home by 15 feet, but you're called out because your slide sprayed dirt all over his nice clean plate.

Your pitcher *never* gets the called strike unless the pitch actually passes directly over some portion of home plate.

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