Thursday, January 03, 2013


It seems to be that the nicer person you are, the less authority you project or command - no matter what your position is. It's something I deal with a lot.  And not very well, I might add.

I deal with conflict very tentatively - I'm either too nice (I want people to like each other, and to like me) or, since I'm unfamiliar with the more negative aspect of command, I overstep and become a jerk.  

It's a very tight balance I walk, and as such end up not getting anything done when I really need it to be.

If I'm in a position of authority in some project, and those working for me are not getting the job done or making unreasonable requests, I'm more apt to let it slide.  Or do it myself.  Or compromise, compromise, compromise - rather than take a chance on someone not liking me.

But the first moment I stand up, I do it in such a way that feels - to me - like I'm supposed to do: laying down the rules, requesting all to follow them, and expecting they agree and understand our roles.  But what happens is I'm seen as "brash" or "talking down".  I don't know how to do it - I don't know how other people do it.

Well, I do, in a way. It's called charisma, and confidence.  You can't have confidence without success, and you can't have success without the charisma to command.  I have no real charisma, except that which is bound up in my "niceness".  And that has no real ability to command respect - even when my position requires it.  So it's a deadly circle that I see no hope of ever escaping.

Well, there would be one way - abandon the niceness, and worrying about whether people like me.  But that would mean completely throwing away who am I and becoming a jerk full time.  Which totally defeats the purpose.

So I'm stuck.  The cycle continues.