Self Portrait Challenge - October (Week #2)

Take the October Self Portrait Challenge!

Look beyond the surface of your life, dig into your imperfect self and reveal it to us. I want to see the down and dirty you, the messy, gross and ugly you, the side of yourself that you always try to hide, give us some insight into your dreadful secrets. This can be your physical self or your personal space or within your wider life. Be not afraid!

For years I've held on to a number of insecurities and self-doubts about my true talents and skills.

By profession, I'm a computer programmer. By avocation I'm a musician. I've enjoyed some moderate success in both over the years, rising to the position of website coordinator for a local hospital system. I've also managed to use my abilities to play the piano, direct theatre and act into a satisfactory body of work for local shows. To most anyone's eyes I would be considered a success at not only making a good living at being creative in designing websites, but fulfilling dreams of musical and theatrical creativity and self-expression.

But self-assessments of my own skills and talents continue to leave me feeling quite fortunate in where I am and what I've accomplished. I feel sometimes as if life has been a series of fortunate breaks, right-place-at-the-right-time opportunities and pleas for help from those at the end of their rope.

I fear I don't have the programming skills necesary to truly produce work output that at the end of the day I can be proud of in its creativity, user-friendliness or thoroughness. I feel my web programming skills stopped evolving several years ago and I'm getting by on past glories. I don't want to own my own web design company, but I feel I've come to a rock and can go no further even within my own ambitions.

I am also a fair pianist, but make more than my fair share of mistakes. Truly accomplished musicians come and go through my sphere of influence and I see where my futures might lie had I truly enough talent, drive and expertise to succeed. I don't desire to perform to Broadway, but feel have been unable to overcome the hard places that keep me from pursuin more attainable goals.

Therefore, the second of the "hidden challenges", a part of me I try to hide, is my lack of confidence in my own professional and creative abilities.

The Two Sides of the Keyboard.