Saturday, June 10, 2006

Top 10 Effects of Knox County's Charter Being Ruled Invalid

From the Home Office in the smoke-filled basement of the 5th Avenue Hotel...


Top 10 Effects of Knox County's Charter Being Ruled Invalid


10) Anderson County immediately invades Karns and Farragut, Union County moves in on Halls and Fountain City and Blount County cuts off the Northshore Drive supply line. Sevier County makes slight mistake, releases Seymour into the wild.

9) Bill Haslam circles the wagons, declares Knoxville city limits to be closed into 100-yard radius around City-County Building.

8) Knox County Chancellor John Weaver fulfills life-long dream, sentences Herb Moncier to a good ole-fashioned hangin'. Tim Hutchison brings a lunch and a lawn chair, makes a day of it.

7) Charter Cable mistakenly files for bankruptcy.

6) Kurt Russell sightings begin at Chilhowee Park. Local biker gangs upset when it turns out to be David Keith in an eyepatch.

5) That sweet, sweet smell of burning zebra...

4) Jack Neely rejoices, reopens circa-1900 saloons on Gay Street. Immediately gunned down in street for 2 dollars and a pint of whiskey.

3) The ghostly spirit of Cas Walker periodically appears, makes angry observation that he was declared an invalid a long time before the County was.

2) County Mayor Mike Ragsdale decides to run for his life. Once again runs unopposed.


..and the Number One Effects of Knox County's Charter Being Ruled Invalid...


1) Wanda Moody and Mary Lou Horner tearfully reenact Thelma and Louise final scene, drive car off Cherokee Bluff into Fort Loudon Lake.



UPDATE: Wow, I wasn't far off the mark:

Charter fallout continues

Two commissioners suspended their campaigns because of a previous ruling upholding term limits and lost in the primary. But as result of Judge Weaver's ruling, both Mary Lou Horner and Wanda Moody dropped out of a race they did not need to drop out of .

"Obviously that (term limit decision) had a tremendous impact on the outcome of the election," Moody said.

"I felt like that was the right thing to do, and I did it," Horner said of her decision to suspend campaigning back in April. "Since they've heard that my telephone has rang, rang, rang, rang."

...

Neither has any recourse, other than find new ways to get involved in a political process whose future is far from clear after Friday's ruling.

"We'll get through it," Moody said of Knox County.
Lake advisory to boaters on Fort Loudon: Watch for falling cars...

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