Monday, March 31, 2003

New Broadway Play

This is just too cool. Data and Jamie Buchman in the same show! Would love to see this one...

Take Three: Reza's Spliced Life Opens on Broadway March 31

"Same four characters. Same basic situation. Three different plays. That's the basic premise of Life x 3, French dramatist Yasmina Reza's new work, which officially opens March 31 at Circle in the Square. Helen Hunt, John Turturro, Brent Spiner and Linda Emond are the two warring couples (warring with the other marrieds; warring within their own marriages) acting out a trio of versions of the same awful evening."

This Just In...

British Backtrack Over General

In related news, a Moroccan troop transport backed over a colonel today, leaving him with multiple injuries and contusions. It was believed monkeys were at the wheel of the transport which was last seen heading to the sea to pick up some errant dolphins. A visiting foreign ambassador was quoted as saying, "When will monkeys ever learn to use rear-view mirrors?".

France has lodged a protest with the UN.

Good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow.

Sunday, March 30, 2003

"Homicide" Bombers? Come on...

Here's a few definitions:
  1. Bomber - someone who sets off a bomb. Presumably, in these cases, with the intent to kill (or, commit homicide)

  2. Suicide Bomber - someone who sets off a bomb with the intent to commit homicide, but intentionally kills themselves in the process.

  3. Homicide Bomber - Courtesy of Department of Redundacy Department.
There is no distinction between a homicide bomber and a suicide bomber - both intend on committing homicide, and unfortunately both sometimes succeed. Fortunately for us, the suicide bomber removes him or herself from active bombing capability.

Creating a new phrase such as "homicide bombing" is disingenious, and serves no real purpose other than to attempt to educate the bottom 10% who just don't get what suicide bombers do.

However, in the spirit of fair play I'd like to offer the following new euphamisms for anyone who would like to use them:
  • Armed Robber with a Weapon
  • Assault and Battery and Hitting and Punching and Kicking
  • Disruptively Disorderly Conduct
Just trying to be a public service.

Friday, March 28, 2003

Thank goodness for the Danish

Denmark Is Officially At War With Iraq

"Late last Friday evening, parliament adopted a proposal to deploy the Navy submarine ‘S.S. Seal’ and destroyer ‘Olfert Fischer’ for the US-led war on Iraq"
Well, I'm glad about this. If they'd refused, no doubt we'd be seeing bakeries serving Cheese Freedoms.

Which, as Dave Barry might say, would be a great name for a band.

Shock and Awe

Has their ever, in the history of the English language, been a catch phrase to rise so high and far so fall in popularity in such as short time?

From last Wednesday through Saturday, it was the only thing anyone talked about.

Since then, not a word - it's used up, a has-been phrase..

Now, isn't that special???

"No Chips" Progress Report

Day 23, and no potato chips eaten. So far the coalition of the ruffling is winning. Only 17 days to go....

And, thankfully, I haven't had to resort to this.

UPDATE: Deb is feeling my pain. Check out Sugarfused and commiserate with her.

UPDATE II: Today, lunch at Cozymel's Mexican Restaurant. Every Mexican restaurant in the world serves a bowl of nacho chips and salsa with a meal. Let's just say today took an extra pound and an half of intestinal fortitude to let those babies sit untouched. (Well, at least by me. My wife and son had no such compunction and gobbled them down like crazed piranha. Thanks for the support, guys)

The Small Quiet Voice

Ok, kids, get ready for a kindler and gentler fisking. This time it's for Don Williams, Knoxville News Sentinel columnist, who today gives some advice to anti-war folks on how to "move on" from the war.

"Light up the corner where you live. Quietly point out where you think the war advocates hold mistaken beliefs. Inform them that Saddam didn't destroy the World Trade Center, as half of them believe. Ask fair questions when conversation allows: Weren't we led to believe the Iraqi army would have collapsed by now? Shouldn't the people of Southern Iraq be showering us with flowers? Why are we having to send more troops? Where are the weapons of mass destruction?"
Half of the pro-war advocates do not believe Saddam destroyed the World Trade Center. They just have not given up the possibility that it may come out he was directly involved. For some reason, Don believes there is proof of his innocence available for everyone - there is not, just not proof of his guilt. And since opinions aren't courts of law, we don't require proof to still consider that he may yet be found complicit.

Were we led to believe the Iraqi army would have collapsed by now? I don't think we were led to believe anything, as in we were deliberately misled. I believe the Pentagon didn't plan on just how evil Saddam's special forces were, and, constrained by our rules of engagement we haven't been able to completely clear the Southern part of Iraq without needless civilian deaths. It has nothing to do with underestimating actual military strength.

"Showering us with flowers" I don't believe was ever a Pentagon euphamism. However, in the tows we've liberated where those Special Forces haven't reached we have been welcomed. In some of the other towns the citizens are threatened by retaliation against their families if they welcome us, so that's why there hasn't been more jubiliation. You want celebration and flowers? Wait till everyone's aware the regime is finally out of power and the goons are taken care of, and then you'll see celebration.

More troops? Already planned - I think they told us this several times.

Where are the weapons of mass destruction? This is a bit tougher, and really is just a mantra the anti-war advocates have picked up on that has no real answer. The country hasn't been secured so there's not much chance to go actively searching the hiding places they surely exist. Plus, they may be used in defense of Baghdad. And there may have been caches discovered by the troops that haven't been reported yet. Again, you can't prove they don't exist until you can't prove that they do.

"How much is this costing? How long will we be there? What about other potential enemies, such as North Korea and Iran and radicals in Pakistan and Saudi Arabia? Won't the war only add to the chaos and violence? Who stands to gain financially from this war? Is every war America ever fought justified? Is this one? These are fair but provocative questions, to be asked in a quiet, soft voice."
I'm glad he keeps advocating the quiet, soft voice - it is a welcome break from the loud braying voice of the protests (and much more effective). As for cost and length of stay, neither are questions that have anything to do with the what they're protesting about - those are tactical and financial decisions.

The other countries? We'll watch them and see what happens. Iran and N. Korea may both implode before this is all over. And yes, it's possible the war will increase chaos but it's just as possible it will help dampen it when the Arab world sees the possibilities of a liberated Iraq. What the Coalition does there is just if not more important than what it does in the war itself.

Who stands to gain financially? A very good question, and one I'm glad that most everyone will be keeping an eye on. I still don't really trust the administration to keep their own interests clear of the reconstruction. Just be vigilant.

Is this and every war America's fought been justified? A question for philosophers and historians. I think so far WWII is the closest one we can reflect on with some objectivity, Korea and later will have to wait for time to answer questions.

"Be prepared for special forces to discover Iraqi weapons of mass destruction. They may discover links to al-Qaida. Some evidence could be fabricated or misconstrued. All governments lie, especially under pressure. Remember Watergate? Iran-Contra? Remember Monica-gate? Remember those forged documents from Niger? The Gulf of Tonkin? Remember the Maine?"
I'm sorry, I have to chuckle about this one. Monica-gate is so far apart in severity from those other instances it's hardly worth mentioning. But yes, if the government does hide the truth for us, it had better be in our best interests, not their political interests.

"Look to the long term, and be proud that you are part of something bigger than a war. For the first time in history, most of the world opposed a war that hadn't even started. Millions marched in the streets worldwide, and country after country, including most of the world's democracies, opposed the war. Yes, war came anyway, and the peace movement lost a battle, but it's winning a greater struggle. A new global consciousness has arisen in the world. More and more people are seeing the human race as mutually interdependent and are working towards the day when forces other than violence will determine history."
I'm sorry, who are you talking to? And I find it hard to believe most of the people in the world even know there's a war going on (or at least the truth about who's fighting who), and that's part of the problem. Most of the world's democracies? You have figures on that? Almost down the line, nations who opposed the war did so for political or financial reasons - i.e. because of what they themselves stand to lose. Money, power in the EU and other places, oil contracts - all selfish and have nothing to do with any real anti-war rhetoric. Don't look to them for moral examples.

And I applaud the fact people look to the day when non-violent means will solve problems, but we have to take care of dictators, oppressors and their collaboraters first.

Wednesday, March 26, 2003

Smoking Gun #6501?

This mural was found painted on a wall at Iraqi military headquarters in Nasiriya.

Marines discover Iraqi 9/11 mural

There's plenty of speculation about the meaning of this over at The Command Post, but here's my take:

Can't they do a chemical analysis of the paint and materials in the mural, and determine its age? It's bad enough if it's <18 months old, but if it's >18 months old....well, someone's got some 'splainin to do.......

Holy Grail, Batman

Is this, like, the greatest name for a British ship or what?

Aid ships set to enter Umm Qasr

A mine-clearing operation of the waterway off Umm Qasr by is still going on to make sure Britain's HMS Sir Galahad and others can safely enter the port.

Just a Taste

Quick post. I was at lunch today (Tuesday) and saw 6 choppers buzzing around overhead near the Tennessee River. Assumedly they were from the air base at McGhee Tyson Airport. 5 were flying in a "V" formation - I don't know what kind they were, but they looked mean - and the 6th looked to be a personnel transport and was trailing behind like a mother hen.

It was chilling.

But not .0001% as chilling as the Republican Guards will soon feel. Keep it flyin', guys.

Tuesday, March 25, 2003

This Just In...

Coalition of the Mandrilling

"According to the wire service, Morocco's weekly al Usbu' al-Siyassi claimed that Morocco has offered 2,000 monkeys to help detonate land mines.

An official at the Moroccan Embassy could not confirm the presence of monkeys in the coalition of the willing."
In related news, Switzerland has donated 1,000 pounds of cheese on the condition France supplies the surrendering.

Good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow.

Monday, March 24, 2003

One More

  1. I don't know if any of the other local bloggers noticed, but have gas prices gone down almost a dime in the last few days? Typical price for a gallon of regular unleaded was $1.59, now I've seen it in some places at $1.49, and even as low as $1.45. Hm....

A Couple of Questions and Comments

  1. When, exactly, did we suddenly start pronouncing Qatar as "cutter"? For some reason, I always thought I'd heard it pronounced "Katar" as if it rhymed with "guitar". Did I dream this?

  2. Quick way to find out if Saddam's really alive. Send him one of those spam email messages that promises to "add 5 inches". Embed in the email a link to a picture on a website, then sit back and wait. Either the site stats will record he opened the email, or he'll quickly respond. Either way, you've got him.

    Tip to Delta Force in Baghdad: Knock on the front door of his bunker and holler, "Candygram!". If he answers the door, eat him.

  3. Am I alone in this? I'm really tired of news reports that quote Pentagon officials saying something "may" have happened. "Senior Pentagon Officials today confirmed that indeed Saddam may indeed have been killed or injured in the initial strike." "Command Central officials indicated that resistance may be heavy as they approach Baghad".

    If you're going to report something, report a fact - either yes, he's toast, or no, he's not toast. Quit teasing.

Jumpy...

(2:25pm EST) Foxnews.com - BREAKING NEWS: BLAST HEARD NEAR U.S. NAVY BASE IN BAHRAIN

Yahoo! News Alert - MANAMA, Bahrain (AP) Huge explosion heard in vicinity of U.S. Navy 5th Fleet base in Bahrain, officials say.

AP Report - Blast Outside U.S. Navy Base in Bahrain
"- A device exploded outside the U.S. Navy (news - web sites) 5th Fleet base in Bahrain Monday night, causing alarm but no injuries or serious damage, Bahraini officials said. An Information Ministry official said the explosion was caused by a cooking-gas cylinder, but security officials at the scene said it may have been a bomb. They were all speaking on condition of anonymity.
(2:30pm EST) Foxnews.com - Banner removed, no story link.

Yahoo! News - Main page, no link, no story.

CNN.com - No banner, no link, no alert.

Move along, nothing to see here....

Why We're There

Take a look at this British Colonel's speech to his troops just before the conflict began. Stirring words, and heartening.

Read it twice, and share.

Thanks to The Command Post for the link

Friday, March 21, 2003

Peace Movement's Worst Nightmare

Glenn of Instapundit says that Iraqi civilians welcoming and thanking coalition forces would be the peace movement's worst nightmare.

Well, hold on there a minute. While I don't agree with their methods, or their specific reasoning, it seems to me that being proven right would be the peace movement's worst nightmare.

If there were massive civilian casualties, or if there was another major terrorist attack because of the invasion, or if there were a lot of American military losses, or a massive revolt and uprising in the Arab world....they would be proven that they were right after all.

But so far none of those things have happened. If everyone involved in the peace movement isn't at least relieved and cautiously optimistic up to this point, there's really something wrong wtih their view of justice and the America way.. And that would be a nightmare.


UPDATE: Seems some other folks disagree with this statement as well, but Glenn doesn't link to them (rats!). However, he does link to our own Instalawyer who has some things to say.

I will concede that there is likely a strong anti-semitic/anti-Israel behind some -- some -- of the peace movement, and ANSWER also played a major role. However, there are always those with ulterior motives ready to prey on the those needing a push in the right (or wrong) direction. It's those people, the majority of folks who opposed the war on the same unfounded suppositions and non-occuring events that I write about above that I'm speaking about. For them, they should be glad the war is going the way it is because their greatest nightmares HAVE NOT come true, and Iraq is truly being liberated. Anything besides that suggests ulterior motive, as I said, or a degree of close-minded hatred and refusal to accept facts that is truly troubling.

Body Count

Double-digit civilian body count in Baghdad at the very most, I'd say. Of course, no official or even speculative word at all yet but from all the info regarding the empty palace targets and precision of ordinance I would say this is very likely.

I hope I'm right.

Resistance is futi--...oh, screw it - we're going home.

U.S.S. Clueless has a great analogy comparing the Iraqi army to an ant colony that's lost its queen. Sounds more like the Borg to me...

We are the Borg.
Lower your guns and let us surrender our armies.
Your biological and technological distinctiveness is too much for us.
From this moment on we exist to serve...no one.
Resistance was futile. And hazardous to our health.

Hail to the King, Baby....

Saddam Offers Rewards For Coalition Lives

"Saddam Hussein has decreed that any Iraqi who kills an enemy soldier will get a reward equivalent to $14,000. And $28,000 will go to anyone who captures an enemy soldier alive, the decree said, according to the official Iraqi News Agency. Shooting down an enemy fighter plane is worth $55,500, a helicopter, $28,000, and a missile, $5,500. Killing the pilot will bring $14,000; capturing the pilot alive is worth twice as much.
C'mon, guys, open up the pocketbooks. I think I got more points for that playing Duke Nukem III.

And where and when exactly is Joe Iraqi soldier going to collect this booty? The 1st United Hussein Bank of Hell? I hear the drive-thru windows take an eternity to get through, and the suckers all taste like black licorice...

Legion of Doom

Iraq: U.S. a 'super power of villains'

"This is a complete disgrace. They are a super power of villains."
-- Iraqi Information Minister Muhammed Saaed Sahaf
Lex Luthor and Gorilla Grodd were unavailable for comment, although Poison Ivy and the Scarecrow were seen heading to Baghdad for last defense efforts.