What's Old is New Again (Part 3)

(Read also Part 1, and Part 2)

SATURDAY

I was supposed to play in a...yes, believe it...a mud volleyball tournament Saturday morning at 9:00 for a local charity. 8am rolled around, and so did I - back under the covers. After last night, no early morning for this boy...

(As it turned out, I wish I'd gone. My team's first opponent turned out to be a team from Hooters. Let's just let that thought simmer for a moment.

...

Ok.)

L. and I spent most of the day Saturday running errands and enjoying our brief childless freedom. Kids were still with grandparents, and would be until Sunday afternoon.

L. would not be able to attend tonight's festivities with me, sadly. Her work required her to be at a soiree this evening on the other side of town, so I'd have to go alone..

Well, not alone exactly. I had a date :) When I found out L. couldn't come, Beth agreed to be my "date" for the evening. Well, at least we would ride together. I would pick up Beth at her parents' house that evening where she was staying while in town.

(Now before any minds start wagging, Beth and L. know each other and have for a long time. Everyone was cool about it.)

So we played it up. I got dressed in my new suit (thank you, Men's Wearhouse) and drove out to Fountain City, which is the North Knoxville suburb where she and I both grew up.

I'd visited her house several times in high school, and just driving back to a neighborhood I hadn't seen in twenty years was as nostalgic as anything. I pulled into the driveway and she met me at the door in curlers. Women. Same as always.

I was a little disappointed that her parents weren't home - I was looking forward to either:

a) Promising to have their daughter in early, or

b) Declaring that we were 38 years old, and I'd keep her out just a long as I damn well please ;)

Finally she appeared in a very flattering black dress - thanks to the miracles of Febreze Wrinkle Releaser - and off we went.

I pulled into the Country Club parking lot...now Beaver Brook Country Club is way out in Halls, in North Knox County. I've never actually seen the golf course that is there, but I'm assuming it exists.

As we got out, a girl...well, woman (twenty years later they aren't girls anymore, but it's hard to break the habit) pulled in beside us. It was Laurie, who hadn't even heard there was a reunion till she happened to call one of the other grads. He told her it was tonight! So there she was. Laurie is now vice-principal at an Elementary School in Oak Ridge.

As we went inside, 80's music was playing from the DJ. Over the course of the even we were serenaded to such tunes as Bonnie Tyler's "Total Eclipse of the Heart," Met at Work's "Down Under," J. Geil's Band's "Centerfold" and other late, lamented tunes from the last era where music was actually interesting.

IT was much more relaxed in the banquet hall, at least for me. Beth was getting a bigger and bigger kick out of seeing everyone again for the first time, but since I'd spent time with them last night we fell into familiar patterns easier.

When dinner time rolled around, we were short tables so had to move some in from the deck. What a team we were ;)

One thing I was glad of was that nobody I talked to seemed to be making a deal out of where they were in their careers or jobs. Sure, we ran the gamut from lawyers to bankers, internet designers to AOL Marketers, housewives to horse caretakers, but there was little bravado, or one-upsmanship. We were who we were, and that was that. We celebrated each others' successes at face value.

Remember how I was starting to obsess how I looked? And what clothes to wear? Shouldn't have - didn't make a difference. Like before, we all looked how we looked and nobody cared. The girl who probably wouldn't have said two words to a certain guy in school was chatting amiably about something funny her kids did. Looks didn't matter, jobs didn't matter...we were friends, and classmates.

Another new face was Missy, who played Ado Annie to my Ali Hakim in our senior production of "Oklahoma!". She and her husband had traveled from the DC area to attend, and I have to say of all the people I saw again that night, she had changed the least. She still looked about 18, but with just a different hairstyle.

When she first walked up to me, she looked at me at bit quizzically for a moment, then glanced down at my name tag. In that moment of recognition, she glanced back up smiling, and said, "Oh! Barry! You've grown up!"

Hm. Wasn't quite sure what to make of that at first, but I took it as a compliment ;)

It was interesting, though - her personality in high school was bubbly, flighty...it was rare when you didn't see her smiling. In the here and now, that was still there but I could see it was tempered with experience and wisdom. For all of them, it was true - personalities were the same, really. Beth is still sarcastic, Danny still had the dry humor, Andy was still sharp-witted, Lee had the same bravado...but it was different. There was seasoning. There was travel, there was heartache, there was love, there was hate, there was misery, there was joy - these qualities didn't exist in us in 1984, but who we are now in 2004 was that core person, the basic good people, and viewed through the crucible of time.

Were we now....gasp!...mature?

Is this what maturity looks like? Sure, there was giggling, but it wasn't over boys - it was how cute the pictures of our kids looked. There was ironic laughter, and appreciation of where we'd been when Danny brought in some of the old school newspapers he'd saved from our senior year. We read through the predictions, the "Last Wills and Testaments" where we gave away things to the underclassmen.

For a long time I've felt I was still clinging to the last vestiges of my childhood. I'm lucky to be able to relive some of that through my kids. Star Wars, Land of the Lost, Schoolhouse Rock...I can share these things with BrainyBoy and GiggleGirl and watch them bring joy to their lives as they did mine. But until now I felt I didn't yet belong in the adult world. I'm 37, married with two kids and I've still felt like I'm 23. I was uncomfortable around "grown-ups". When people my age or older get together at church to talk, or fellowship - I find it difficult to relate and gravitate toward interacting with people younger than I. I still feel people see me as a kid, a college-age kid who sometimes may have something of value to contribute but mostly needs to hush and keep out of the way.

Maybe that's over. I saw that night all the people that I still remember as kids....they were grown up. And not 10-year-reunion 28-year-olds - we're 37 and 38 now. We're grown up. We can't ungrow, and everyone's become adjusted to that fact.

And if they can do it, well so can I.

....

The party continued on into the night. Lee was upset because last call was 11:30, and he and Beth avoided any (friendly) political confrontations. I got drafted volunteered to start up a CHS Class of '84 webpage to post information about our grads. Missy's husband Gerry and I talked about internet healthcare marketing. I caught up with Harold's brother and parents, who lived near my house when I was growing up. Beverly and Danny live near each other and didn't realize it until just recently.

We missed Carl, and Johnny, and Tyson and the the other classmates who have left us.

We also thought about and remembered the ones who were unable to attend for whatever reason: Tracye, Chuck, Laurie, Joanna, Kim, Karen, Paul, Cindy, Wiley, Sonja, Kris, David, David, Tammie, Lynn, Beth (the other one), Billy, and others. We hoped to catch up to them again, someday.

And we promised -- promised -- to have a 25th reunion in five years. In the meantime, those who live close by would continue to organize mini-reunions as often as possible.

I mentioned on my site once before that I've never seen a group of people who were so willing to co-exist with each other across cliques. Almost everyone had some kind of interaction with everyone else there. I hope that acceptance and tolerance has carried over into their lives.

It got to be midnight, and the party broke up. Some of us stood outside in the parking lot for a while to chat, then finally we headed out.

...

For Beth, the night was still young. She had made plans to go back out and meet up with her younger brother. Back at her house, we hugged one last time and she was on her way.

I drove home, again with thoughts and images reeling through my head. Got home, couldn't sleep.

Where am I? What are you doing with your life?

Exactly where I want to be, doing exactly what I want to do.

Just now, finally - like she said - all grown up.

What's Old is New Again (Part 2)

(Read also Part 1)

FRIDAY

The Friday night meet-and-eat was to be held at the Foundry building, on the World's Fair site. I haven't been back in the Foundry since it was the Strohaus at the 1982 World's Fair, so I was looking forward to returning and seeing what it was like. My wife L., being the social butterfly that she is, had been several times for other events and assured me it was a lot different. No more German oompah bands? No strudel? No chicken dances? I don't wanna go.....

But I bravely went on. I'd heard Motley Crue or somebody was having a concert on the lawn at the Fair Site that night as well, and feared for the parking but apparently the fact that it was on the other side of the park, combined with the fact that most Crue fans these days need walkers and ride public transportation, parking problems never materialized...

We arrived, the sky sparkling clear and barely hinting at dusk. Pulling up near the entrance, I noticed other couples leaving their cars and making their own ways to the front doors. I glanced around, hoping -- and not hoping -- to recognize someone. I didn't. There were several sets of people I didn't recognize at all.

Now we had a small class - 242 at graduation, I believe - which was the smallest class our school had had in decades. Contrast that with the class that graduated 4 years later, it had the most. Which meant I thought surely I would recognize someone. There was a line entering a door at the side, and being the good automotons that we humans are we joined the line. Still didn't recognize anyone.

"Oh, Lord," I thought, "This is going to be horrible."

After a few moments, a little kid (?) stuck his head out the side door, peered up and down the line, and hollered, "Is everyone here for the Farragut High Reunion?"

Huh? I timidly raised my hand, "No, Central High".

"Oh," he said, waving us in excitedly, "Come in this way."

Well, no freakin' wonder. I'm in the wrong reunion.

We moved past the line of unfamiliar 30-somethings in fancy outfits and proceeded inside. Yes, indeed, Farragut High Class of '84 - all 14,431 graduates - was having their reunion at the same time and place as ours. Compared to them, our class looked like the kids table at Thanksgiving. But I digress.

Instead of trying to do a play-by-play narrative, I'll just do the stream of consciousness high points:

• Met up with Danny, one of my best friends. He'd emailed me earlier that day that he was looking forward to being there. Danny has one of the funnies and dryest senses of humor I've ever known. I used to sit in the back of English class and crack up at his deadpan jokes, at our teacher's expense. He was a little taller, and a little chubbier, but still the same guy.
  
  
• "Whoa...who was that? WHOA...I remember her now --- WHOA, she did NOT have those back in high school...! ("must stop staring...must stop staring...")
  
  
• Saw Jack and Hal, both who played baseball with me in rec leagues and we were all coached by my dad.
  
  
• Ok, this is getting weird.
  
  
• Lots of hand-shaking, some perunctory hugs.
  
  
• Man, it's loud. No music, really, just drinks and chatter - it's hard to hear.
  
  Or is that just my own hearing? Uh oh.
  
  
• Kelly and her husband live in Virginia, and had left their house boarded up because of Hurricane Charley - they were leaving tomorrow to go back and re-batten down the hatches. They would miss the dinner the following evening.
  
  Her husband eerily reminded me of Christopher Walken. He was very nice, but I've always thought of Walken as ubercreepy, so it was disconcerting at first.
  
  Kelly took digital pictures all over.
  
  I didn't recognize her at first, because she now had blonde hair - in school, it was brown. I actually thought she was one of our exchange students at first (sorry, Kelly) :)
  
  
• The jocks came, the cheerleaders came - all in a gaggle, as usual. Some things never change. One group of ladies arrived in a pack, chattering and giggling among themselves the same way they'd done twenty years ago.
  
  
• I couldn't get over just how good everyone looked. Sure, there were some wrinkles, and paunches, and this is that was sagging a bit but everyone just looked good. It's hard to descibe. I'll talk more about that during the 3rd part.
  
  
• I was disappointed that there was no music - it would've made it more difficult to hear, but I still missed it.
  
  
• We had a buffet dinner that was very good.
  
  
• Laura seemed to enjoy herself, and eventually parked to chat with Jack's (see above) wife for the bulk of the evening. Not having grown up in East Tennessee, she didn't know anyone in particular.
  
  
• I was also disappointed in the no-shows. Beth had been stuck in New York and let me know earlier in the day that she would miss this evening, but would be back for sure the next day - that was fine. But the ones who didn't make it back at all were some of the ones I was most looking forward to seeing. And some even still lived in Knoxville, or in the area.
  
  Tom, one of the organizers of the event and my fellow delegate to Boys State in 83 informed be that there were about 10-15 other classmates who couldn't make it that night, that would be there the next day. That's good.
  
  
• I told a lot of people that same things - what I was doing now, what I did in college, showed them pictures of BrainyBoy and GiggleGirl at the beach. It was fun hearing other peoples' stories but retelling my own time after time got old after a while ;)
  
  
• Amusingly, we got crashed. A lady wandered in, and rushed over to me - "Barry! Remember me?" I looked at her face with that old, "Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....yes I know you! it's great to see you! who the hell are you!?" look, until she showed me her name badge. Her name was Kristi, and had gone to Gresham Junior High with a number of us way back even farther in time - the late '70's. She had transferred out to Farragut High when starting high school, and had stepped in to see if she recognized anyone she knew in Junior High. There were about three girls I had little-kid crushes on in Junior High, and she was one of them. Amazing what coincidences can happen. :)
  
  No, I didn't tell her, that.
  
  
• Overall the evening was great fun, but for me even upon getting ready to go, I could tell the party was just getting started. The awkward, "Gee, how are you - great to see you - so what've you been up to?" stage had been entered, and passed by most of us there. Tomorrow night at the Country Club we'd already be past the awkward first moments and be ready to remember why it was we liked...
  
  ...and disliked...
  
  each other in the first place.
  

We got home fairly late, L. went on to bed. Quiet house, no kids. I stayed up for a while but when I laid down, faces and names and stories kept going through my head.

It took a long while for sleep to come.

Next: Saturday Night, at the Country Club with my date

What's Old is New Again (Part 1)

I haven't had much time to write about my 20-year class reunion much since last weekend. I wish I'd started sooner when the memories and impressions were fresher, but work and home life got in the way. I'll try to start some stream-of-consciousness blogging and see where it takes me. (that's an AP English inside joke right there. Laugh, Beth ;))

Background: I was a fairly typical geek in high school. An arts geek, though, mostly. I did band, chorus, and drama as much as possible as well as AP (honors) english and math. I enjoyed school - I really did - but on its own terms. In other words, whatever my high school offered to me as an incentive or enticement to excel or enjoy, I took it and that's all I needed. I didn't party. I didn't drink, or smoke. I went in, did my work, saw my friends, enjoyed the school and went home. On Friday nights there were football games where I marched at halftime, we went to Mr. Gatti's on Clinton Highway after the game for pizza, and then I went home.

I also never went out with anyone in high school. Quite simply, I didn't know how. I had a crush on several girls while I was there but they were always unrecognized and unreturned - a fact which caused no end of teen anguish. (This is early 80's anguish we're talking about, here, not early 2000's anguish. If it were today I'd probably have shot up the school). But I gazed from afar and continued what I was doing.

After graduation, I went to college and got my BA in Theatre, got married, started a career, had two kids and started a blog. (interesting bio, huh?)

Fast forward 20 years past graduation. I've kept in touch with only one person, really, since graduation. The above-mentioned Beth was one of my best friends - smart, independant, a little wild (well, she was wilder when not around me, but I caught the fringes of it) and possesses a fierce passion for horses. Other than her, I simply stepped on with my life and new circles of friends.

We had a 10-year reunion back in '94, which was fun, but even 10 years out is not a lot of time for major life changes. I had no kids yet, had been married only two years. Similarly for others that returned.

This time I knew it would be different.

Around the first of the year I started looking at my calendar and wondering. I wasn't a class officer, and never had any responsibilities for starting things up so I sat and waited. Eventually, I was contacted by a representative for a professional Reunion company that arranged these things professionally. The date was set in mid-August, and I made reservations for my wife and I to attend.

Then the introspection started. What would they look like? How do I look compared to them? There were a number of nice-looking guys in high school and, judging from the attention I received 20 years ago, I was not. You start taking a look in the mirror. How's the gut? Not so bad...I certainly didn't weigh 200 pounds in '84 like I do now, but hey, it's distributed like it should be expected. A 6'2" frame and fairly broad shoulders help.

I look at the face. I've had a beard for several years, but no one has ever seen it really. A beard screams "old guy" though in some ways. What to do? Got it - goatee! (shave, shave, trim, trim). Done. Hey, sporty ;) What else?

(looks at pasty white skin)

Oh.

Hilton Head in early July! Fun in the sun! Took care of that real quick. (ouch)

Ok, feel a little better.

Time slipped by, and the date approached. Then a bad thing happened. Our high school quarterback, best-looking guy in the class and all around swell guy that everyone would be looking forward to seeing again...well, he died. Click the link to where I've talked about it already.

Beth came to town briefly to see some people and pay her respects. We got together with another classmate and caught up briefly.

Wait a minute. My friends don't die! That only happens to other people, not us. We're not getting older, we're not. Really....

I wasn't very close to him, but Beth was, and I felt badly for her. Mortality isn't an easy thing to recognize and accept.

However, it's simply another thing you have to embrace as part of life. Scary, yes, but always there.

Well, now it's last week. Friday and Saturday nights were approaching fast. I was checking the website that listed people returning. Some names I was surprised would be there were there, and others I really looked forward to seeing were not. What would we talk about? Current events? I didn't look forward to spending the weekend talking about politics, terrorism or war. The Olympics Opening Ceremonies were friday night - would we talk about that? Hurricane Charley was currently pounding the Florida coast - heavens, would the main topic be the weather??

The nerves began in earnest. I'm not a good person in crowds of people I'm not very familiar with. I'll talk your ear off if you walk up to me, but to initiate a conversation can be torture sometimes. What about the people I really didn't know that well? Would I be able to discuss deep philosophical theories with them? Would they still think I was the tall gangly band geek?

Ok, Barry - screw your courage to the sticking place. Kids are at the grandparents'. Get dressed, cause it's time to go....

Next: Friday Night, the first evening

The Reunion

Well, it's over. I really want to give a full report, but I can't get the time right now. Hopefully sometime this week.

Suffice to say:

Extreme nervousness
Surprise
Antsy
Nausea
Nostalgia
Frustration
Laughter
Photos
Purple Rain
Shock
Wistfulness
Melancholy
Exhaustion


More later...

Happy Moments

Take The Challenge

My happy moment for Friday is a) finding my high school annuals, prepping for the reunion tonight, and b) getting an unexpected email from one of my old friends who will be there tonight. I haven't spoken to him in years, and it will be great to see him again.

What's Up With Me?

I'm in a funk.

Can't explain it, really. The normal blargage is still around me: construction on the highway into work. Uncertainty from world events. Fed up with politics and politicos and poliblogs and anything connected with it. Work's tedious but eventful. Will UT find a Quarterback? And other things...

Same old, same old.

I just recently returned from Hilton Head - I should be happy! happy! happy! Well, I am. Sorta.

Could be any number of things, really. I think it boils down to two:

1. My 20th-Year Class Reunion is Friday and Saturday.
   
   I graduated from Knoxville Central Hight School in 1984, fresh and wide-eyed - ready to take on the world. My high school days revolved around two things: arts (band, chorus, drama) and academics (AP English, Trig, History).
   
   I went to my 10th-Year Reunion, well, 10 years ago. A lot of people were there - a lot weren't. I learned that one of my friends has since died. Several had changed - a lot. Quite shocking, in some cases. Some were pleasantly much the same. Some were even better. More than a few of the particular people I hung out with weren't there at all.
   
   So I'm not sure what to think about this weekend. Beth, one of my best friends from high school is coming back for sure. My wife's unable to attend the Saturday night banquet, so (with her blessing and trust) I'm actually going to "escort" my friend Saturday night so I'm looking forward to that.
   
   Just uncertainty. Another friend died not too long ago. Several others will not be there at all. A lot of others will be there that, frankly, I never really knew that well. Will I enjoy myself, renewing old acquaintences and actually sparking new ones? Or will I sit staring at the walls, wishing it were over?
   
   Ok, the real question. What will they think of me? We're all 37-38-39 years old, ten years older than the last time, twenty years since some have seen each other. Do I measure up? Will I impress? Will my hairline scare them? ;) Will some of them scare me? Who got plastic surgery? Botox? Boob jobs? Beer bellies?
   
   Will we actually have anything to talk about besides Bush/Kerry, imminent terrorist disaster, or the upcoming UT football season? I don't know.
   
   Guess I'll find out :)
   
   
2. School Starts Next Monday
   
   Now, I've gone through three "first day of school" rituals with BrainyBoy (v8.5). He's started third grade, and it's old hat for him this time. I haven't met his teacher yet, but don't anticipate any problems. He's a great student, a great kid (if a bit headstrong) and will excel.
   
   But then there's my little girl. GiggleGirl starts kindergarten.
   
   Same school as BB - they'll be there together, every day, brother and sister.
   
   Why does this bother me? I didn't have a problem when BB started kindergarten. "Ok, cool, nice uniform - gotcher backback? - all smiles - let's go!"
   
   But, she's, like....it's GG. She can't go to kindergarten. She's not old enough. You can't be that old. Not yet. Not her.
   
   She turns 5 in September. Can't she stay 4? Just a little while longer?
   
   They wear uniforms at her school - she has some "skorts", and navy blue jumpers. They're all freshly washed (thank you, thank you) and ready for her to "dry run" try on sometime today or tomorrow.
   
   I don't want to see. I'm not sure I can take her looking like a young girl, instead of a little girl.
   
   Don't grow up too fast...
   
   'k?